I can’t wear a bathing suit anymore.

I went on a road trip with my dad last summer, and we stopped at this hot spring hotel that was supposed to be haunted. We were both excited. We love horror and all that. We put our stuff in our rooms and decided to get lunch in the tiny attached restaurant. At some point I noticed a guy at the bar staring at me, because my skin had started to crawl. You know, when you know you’re being watched? I got up to go to the bathroom, and on the way back I was forced to walk by him. He said “you should do some shots, have some fun, have your dad buy you a drink.” I smiled, polite, because what do you do? and went to sit down. I thought that was it, just a strange old man at the bar. And then later, we were in the hot spring, and he was there. I was in a bathing suit. And he was watching, again. He followed me through several hot tubs, my dad with me, before me and my dad separated due to temperature preference. I ended up in a hot tub with two nice ladies, and as we talked, he ended up in the hot tub with us. My dad followed and put himself between us, but it wasn’t enough. It never could be. The guy kept pushing “you should have some fun! Celebrate your birthday. Let me buy you a drink.” It wasn’t my birthday. I was seventeen. I said, “I’m not old enough to drink.” He looked me up and down and said, “when’s your birthday?” I didn’t tell him, gave some noncommittal answer, and he said it was close enough to eighteen. Practically an adult. I knew he wasn’t talking about drinking. He asked again. Asked my dad to let him buy me shots. And when that didn’t work, he asked where we were staying. What floor, what room. I lied. He watched me all the way back into the hotel. I triple checked my door that night. I cried in the shower. It wouldn’t be enough. I could still feel his gaze, how he licked his lips, how he so badly wanted me drunk, how he justified it by “close enough,” and “she’s mature.” It felt slimy, it felt dirty and disgusting, and it didn’t go away. I haven’t worn a bathing suit since, and it will be a long time before I do.